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The month of May is all about roses, love declarations and, since 1995*, masturbation.
To the detriment of romance and in favour of the awareness of what is a natural part of human sexuality neglected for too long.
Thinking about female masturbation, I found myself caught by a wave of positivity, feeling happy to be a woman, today, in 2017, with a chance to deal with this fundamental part of my sexuality with freedom, curiosity and creativity.
Sexual exploration in all its forms is usually a more tortuous and tormented route for those who come from Venus than those who are from Mars.
Every woman, along her way, must face up to taboos, preconceptions, stereotypes, judgements and little-known body parts. And has to come to terms with the fact that everything which seems to be always easy, accessible and quick for the men’s world, in womanville is often more tricky, out of reach, time-consuming and takes a lot of practice.
When it comes to female masturbation, the list of false myths, bizarre and mistaken beliefs, prohibitions and harsh judgements is several history pages long. And it always affected the relationship a woman builds with her own body, her pleasure and her sexuality, making the adolescence disoriented and the process of building a fulfilling sexual life with the partner more complicated.
Till yesterday, female masturbation was getting socially discredited and culturally discouraged, other than religiously labelled as sinful and immoral.
Today, in 2017, is at least an option in women’s sex life, and a matter to be discussed in a voice a little louder and with the head slightly out of the sand.
Masturbation gets told and celebrated online through tweets and dedicated hashtags, normalised by the tv series and encouraged by sex toys carefully shaped by the designers sensitive to sinuous shapes and soft-touch surfaces, tested by tireless bloggers and reviewed on some female magazines’ columns.
Even though the way to a genuinely free and conscious approach to the subject is still long, bumpy and awfully steep, a piece of that insurmountable barrier of taboos has been torn down.
Riding the wave of optimism, I imagined a tomorrow in which the masturbation is nothing more than something normally practised, socially encouraged and culturally promoted. As a fundamental part of every man and woman’s sexuality, alone or with a partner, and not just as a male practice or a sad surrogate for single and unfulfilled people.
A rosier and less cerulean future where, by answering the question – Do you masturbate? -, women don’t have to worry about blushing with a ‘Yes’ or pretend with a ‘No’, and men don’t want to prove their masculinity with a ‘Yes’ or feel part of a small prissy elite with a ‘No’.
A time where a girl feels free to explore her body and to learn its responses before to put it in someone else’s hands.
If this could actually happen, we should probably consider ‘today’ as a one-time offer for women.
As the unrepeatable chance to be pioneers in uncharted territory, moving with atavistic curiosity and genuine surprise, and to let yourself be surprised by the happy ending of a practice not yet spoiled.
As the opportunity to unwrap your body with the curiosity of those who wait until Christmas morning to be amazed at the gift held in the hands for so long, being unable to know what it was and how it worked.
After all, laying eyes on a corner of the world for the very first time, with no previous stops on Google Images, allows maximising the enjoyment of every little discovery experienced at first hand.
As women, we should also benefit from the advantage we have over men, at every time and in every place, at least when it comes to self-pleasure.
What, for most men, is just one moment of casual ordinary pleasure during an ordinary day, can develop into a far more fulfilling experience of self-knowledge and sexual pleasure for most women. Thanks to the exquisitely complicated female anatomy, made of multiple intricate connections between brain and genitalia, and the ability to devote time and physical and cognitive energies to turn mere gestures into an unforgettable journey down the alleyways of intimacy.
So my optimistic and encouraging message to all women is:
let the complex nature of female pleasure and the numerous benefits of masturbations surprise you instead of scare you. Go for the adventure, alone or with travel companions, into the exploration of the bends of your body, equipped with shiny dildos and velvety vibrators (or, if you prefer, with anything more than your fingers). Don’t linger in the main tourist spots but take the road less travelled to the discovery of far-flung corners. Being sure you’ll be rewarded with a background of fireworks and orchestra’s symphony on your arrival at destination.
And be happy to be women, today.
*The Masturbation Month was launched in San Francisco between the walls of the Good Vibrations, first American erotic store with a women-friendly environment and a sex-positive approach, in response to what happened behind the White House doors. A few month earlier, Dr. Minnie Joycelyn Elders, appointed as the United States Surgeon General by Bill Clinton, was fired for saying that masturbation ‘is part of human sexuality, and perhaps it should be taught, as part of young peoples’ sex education.